Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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