Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
