Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
