Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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