only if we run a train.
done.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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