You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
