yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
