my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
