Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
