Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
