K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
