um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
