You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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