I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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