i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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