I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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