Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
