Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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