You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
