When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
