He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
