I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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