That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
