Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
