sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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