You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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