Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
