i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
