The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
