I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
