i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
