is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
