She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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