I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
