We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
