My hand turned me down
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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