after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
