When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
