When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize