Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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