you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
