i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
