then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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