It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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