i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You don't make any sense
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