i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
