Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
