make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
