she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
