Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
